I don't think brook has ever known best
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
