I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
