He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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