Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
