Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
