Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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