Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
