I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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