I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
