why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
