you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
operation harelip BJ is a go
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
