The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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