Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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