toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
