id be glad to
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
