I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
