hotel room ftw
another moral hangover. fuck.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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