Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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