My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
