If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
