Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
