So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
