I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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