she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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