dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
