so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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