My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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