Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I'm really busy with my period
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