i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
