dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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