I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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