I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
