plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
