I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
