How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
