Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My vagina is officially offended.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
