I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize