It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
