Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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