My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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