Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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