Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
