You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize