I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the condom got lost in my hair
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
