Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
