After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
