3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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