I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
