If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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