Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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