I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
