Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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