just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
