i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
