The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
