The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
