WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
