Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize