I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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