So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
