I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
